14th April 2013

Sometimes all you need is a little support right? What if family closest to you are unwilling to give you that? How would you feel then?

Can you not give me an extra year to explore my options? You say i'll be 'wasting my time'. Sometimes i wish i weren't so sensitive to little implications of words. They hurt, for goodness sake!

If someone is willing to help, why didn't you think about it first? Why come up with those petty excuses? Oh, you guys won't be able to live together harmoniously. Don't infringe into people's homes, you won't know what they think of you!

Its not every day that you are offered such opportunities, why can't attempt to consider it? It won't be forever, those years will pass fast enough and i will try my best not to be a burden! I'm not irresponsible, i'll learn if you properly explain it to me, but it just feels like you want to close me down to a life just like yours. A life of fear, no passion, and no progress.

I don't know what to do or feel.

17th March 2013

Ever wondered what it felt like... without support?
Its the implications of it all. Of your every action. Okay, you suck with words, but its true, but your actions reveal your intent. You have already lost all hope on me without even thinking about it.
I don't want to end up like you, regretting what you didn't do as you get older. Why didn't you fight for what you wanted? Why did you 'resign to fate', as you tell me to do, but sigh at how tough your own life is, while envying those whose lives are better? If you had fought for it, but failed, and then resigned to fate, maybe, just maybe you wouldn't be so bitter about it.

If I had fought for it, as hard as i can, but i failed, then i will resign. But i want to have tried again and again. If i am truly fated not to have it, then i shall be resigned. But at least i will know, it is not my way to go. But for now, i won't let go. I won't. Even if all of you are going to try and discourage me again and again. I won't. I want to try.

3rd February 2013

Ever felt tired deep down into your very bones? Ever felt the whole world seems to be against you? That each step you take, someone is just telling you its not enough? You are pushing forward as much as you possibly can, yet you have to do more, more and even more. While these statements shatter you, you have to keep moving on.

Time won't stop for me. But I need time to gather those shards and put them away. I'll come home, I'll cry about it. I'll write my feelings into a story. I'll write my experiences down, store them away deep into my heart.

And I will keep trudging forward