16th June 2011

I'm... procrastinating. As usual. School starts in a little over a week. And everyone around me is sighing about how fast this holiday has gone. I'm no exception. After 2-3 months, (10 weeks actually) of fighting, i highly doubt that one month is enough to recover. Especially one when there is the ever constant pressure of having to study for terms and complete the huge pile of homework at the same time. Before we know it, the 'break' is gone and we are thrown back into the hectic lifestyle of a student. What can we do? Time remains as impatient as ever. Forcing us to forge forwards as the hands of the clock continue to tick.

No one will ever know what a new day brings. Sometimes you look back and wonder, where did the good old days go? Days when you could smile every day for longer periods of time. Days when the word 'depressed' never found a place in my vocabulary. Peaceful and happy. Why is it that, when you become older, the more you seem to have to carry on your shoulders? The more you have to worry about. Also, I envy people who can be so straight forward in any situation. I... have not grown 'more straight forward' in any way, and if self-awareness instincts serve me right, i have grown further and further away from the definition. In the end, what i'm asking for, is the mindset of a child again. Yet, we can never turn back the hands of time, for what is lost is now gone. I can only hope to appreciate as much of the (albeit limited) freedom i have, and not let the rest of my teenage years go to waste.

I read somewhere before: If you were surrounded by a mountain pile of dirty clothes, and you only had a bucket and water with you, what would you do? The only option is to start at the clothes by your feet, and wash and wash. Slowly but surely, you will eventually begin to finish them all. The new term is starting (sadly) and we will never know what problems, uncertainties and fears will appear. We can only hope work through them all slowly. Even though we may cry, hurt and attain scars on the way, eventually i hope we'll all be able to see the sun =)

ARGH omg i'm so emo today. Hahaha but seriously i'm in a freakishly weird mood. And i just had to receive a call halfway through this post. Needless to say it was an awkward phone call; partly cos of the topic of discussion and my mood at that point of time. Now i feel bad T.T

2nd June 2011

Its already the middle of 2011 =/ and i remember how i was during this time last year, mugging (at least trying to, i think) and hoping for the O levels to be over. Today, I am bored.. okay fine i'm lying. I am dead tired. So many things have been running through my head over the past few days and studies are.. not really my priority, yet. haha

Insecurities, puppy love issues, thoughts about the current state of things, thoughts about the future. Its been overwhelming. Somehow, when i made the transition from school to holidays (from AEWF to the start of the holidays), from always being around people to just me and papers, out of the blue.. it became a little lonely. It doesn't help that my past insecurities are haunting me again. It occurred to me to be more appreciative of these periods of time when i'm alone, to reflect and think. But i guess too much of it isn't good for me either. And when you have too much to think about... you just get overwhelmed. Should i be satisfied with the way things are? Why did i suddenly want to consider to do something related to music? Do i have a right to be disappointed? So many questions, but the more i think, the more muddled i get, the harder it is to find answers. But if i don't think about them, they're like thorns in my flesh, constantly there to bother me.