28th January 2012

[Okay, the spelling of Jan suddenly looked really weird to me.]

Just a thought.. I met my cousin on thursday. It was the first like.. face to face meeting. He's seven years my senior, and i never thought i would ever say this, but he's so gentlemanly! Put most of the guys i know to shame. And then (quote Zm) it 'had me thinking'.

I'm not a toy for you to play around with. I would rather total acceptance or absolute rejection. I'm really getting sick of your games. You'll never know when i'll just fling my cards onto the table and just walk away. After all, there are many more such 'games' ongoing in the world. And maybe the next game will be a little bit more smooth sailing.

D=

6th January 2012

Is this pre-school depression or sth? lol I'm not very keen to return to the days when I lack sleep but still have to force myself to go through the entire day. There's nothing worse than having to go through a long day while lacking sleep.

Doing homework has become a bitter activity. Urgh; I know i'm not supposed to be angry about such a thing but there's really nothing to look forward to in school. When the thing(s) you are searching for can't be found. I'm gonna try to look forward to small little things.. not sure if it'll work. Lately i've been getting the feeling that something unexpected is gonna happen this year. Or maybe its just me hoping again -.- Hmm an author expressed my feelings perfectly: "the hope [i] couldn't ever totally quench"

See! This is why i love books! They're a nice change from reality; And they help you put your feelings into words =)

PS. This is random but i thought i'd just post up a story for fun. It was a rare stroke of inspiration for me, written in July last year. Its.so.damn.applicable.to.life; probably because it expressed my fears, but i'm still hoping. So, this is for those out there who are still searching, for anything at all =) Go below to check it out!

The Calling

She was searching. Frantically, she grabbed the pile of books on her table, throwing them into a haphazard pile on her bed. They revealed nothing in hidden in their midst. No, not here. As searching every nook and cranny of her room began to look futile, the desperation began to mount. What if she never found it?

She moved onto searching the rest of her house. It wasn’t in any of her cupboards, neither was it among the things in her garage. She’d already emptied out every possible container in her house, yet its location continued to elude her. Where on earth could it be?

Then just as she passed the door leading to her backyard, she felt it. The pull on her energy. It launched her into another frantic search, this time of her backyard. She raced to patch of grass where the pull was exceptionally strong, her hand scrabbling at the earth, soil getting caught under her nails.

Adrenaline rushing through her veins, she dug at the soil as if her life depended on it, ignoring the bite of the earth on her skin.

Then she saw it, the corner of what appears to be a beautifully decorated box. The speed of her digging increased tenfold. So intent on her task, she did not even notice a sharp object cut into her palm. Lifting the box out of the soil, oblivious to the blood on her palm, she regarded it with wonder. Caressing the elegant designs, she heaved a sigh of relief. She’d found it, at last.

Her dirt covered hands traced over the runes inscribed on the box, a huge smile on her face. The runes were familiar; they were writings of her name in Runic.

Finally, she was going to find out. For 19 years she had waited. And today, all that anxiety, the worries, the expectations… they would all be over.

Taking a deep breath, she held it in her lungs as she slowly, carefully eased the box open.

Her eyes widened as tears slid down her cheeks. Her breath caught in her throat. She swore her heart had stopped beating. An involuntary sob escaped her lips in an attempt to relieve the growing agony in her chest.

It was empty.