27th February 2011

Heyyy~ I been posting more lately. I dunno. Haha i'm quite contented with life. I wonder why some people seem so depressed lately. Everyone has their own definition of 'happiness' - because we all want something from life. It changes all the time, changing according to our preferences, our 'greed' for certain things... Perhaps their life just doesn't hit the standard they want.

There was one decision, i'd made quite long ago, a decision that i still regret even now. Why did i choose to go to one side of the fence? Why did i throw away the other, labelling it as 'someone i wasn't as close to'? Why couldn't i have just sat on the fence - simple, because it was easier to stand on solid ground compared to sitting on such a narrow fence. At first i thought she'd already forgotten about it, to a certain extent, that its no longer hurting her. But how wrong i was. And now there's this certain distance that's there. Truth be told, i know, it'll be hard to close the distance. I don't blame her if she wants that it to remain that way. Well, Evan, if you're reading this, i want to apologise for leaving you out for all those time. (I think, you know what i'm talking abt.) I truly regretted it, for taking a side and leaving the other. It was mean of me =/ Thank you for supporting me throughout all those cold wars. After a while, i'd sworn never never to make such a mistake ever again.

Life recently has been eventful, albiet a little unlucky. 1) my form teacher took my choir file by accident and i had to run from one end of the school to to the other a back, in between lessons just to get it back from her. 2) it rained really heavily during cross country and my shoes got wet... i got back to Clementi only to have the stupid Joo Koon(sp) train delay for at least 10 min. Hehe but i was happy that day~ 3) broke a pipette during my first Chem prac =.= and spilled (diluted) alkali on my pencilbox. If i were in a bad mood, i would be extremely furious. But i was happy, so yeah, they merely made life 'eventful', not 'pissing off'. hahah Choir's been fun but tiring. I feel so free to be singing again =) and i can reach high A again! lalala. The only prob is that i have no one to talk to in choir, apart from my senior -.- And while we're singing, also cannot talk. Hmph =(

I really miss my Crescent friends =( wish i could see them, not talk to them on Msn or the phone. Oh btw, my MSN is screwed - cannot open for some damn reason, so that just gives me less time to talk to them! *angry*

16th February 2011

Happy outside... not really so inside. Its the only way i survive. Emoing everyday in school isn't exactly gonna help one's social life and its not really good for one's emotional health either. What better than to temporarily lock all that uncertainty, fear and unhappiness inside while you're with people? Everyone has their own demons that wreck their emotions. And yet, my character, fine - 'preference' - according to those workshop ppl... i won't or can't share it. The last time i did share, that person launched into a 'cold war attack.' Ahem, not exactly encouraging. Perhaps my preference are very much decided by the people i interact with. Sometimes i wonder if i would have turned out differently if the people around me weren't.. they way they are. Well, there isn't any point in dwelling to much. i just needed somewhere to write sth. Even if it is crap and most/all ppl cannot understand it. Haha

Through singing, i hope to gain the self confidence i need in life. And at the same time, just vent my feelings and frustrations out. No one hears my normal speaking voice - i get dao-ed most of the time, you can say i'm barely noticed. Quiet reserved - the ideal introvet =X But when i sing, people hear me or at least, i can hear myself. lol XD Besides i missed the feeling of hearing a combination of all the sections combining to form a wonderful song, a feeling missing from my general emotions ever since Sec 2 ended. I didn't go to guitar auditions... i'm still wondering if i shld have. haha oops. but i don't really have to worry abt not having a CCA cos i alr have a spot in the choir... (still wondering if i'd missed out by not going to guitar auditions. Oh well =/)

New... everything

Okay, this post is up for a certain someone. Haha you know who you are. Anyway JC has started for abt 3 week alr? Perhaps less. At first i was really nervous. But after the first initial day, the nervousness faded off. I guess it just takes a matter of getting used to all the guys XD and then starting to talk to them. I had to admit, i think i'm taking way longer than a certain someone. Hm oh well, its not like i totally didn't talk to them. hahaha Orientation was super fun at Ac. Haha the campfire followed by a (unexpected) party was... hmm fun. but kinda gross cos like everyone was sweating and you kept bumping into ppl. I loved the OGL's dance so much! haha i wish i could learn it *envious* So i think i want to become an OGL next year! =DDD new target, haha I want to make orientation for the new J1s as fun as my OGLs made it for me. Thanks guys!! =))

The playfulness at Ac is so infectious, you feel like playing along after a while. Haha the uniform is a little weird... i keep thinking that my skirt is too long. We have like chapel on monday mornings. And tmr we go to school late! yay! so happy. We're gonna split of from our OGs into our classes alr next week. =(( quite sad cos i'm only just starting to talk to and get to know everyone.

I'm surprised how fast everything in NJ is moving compared to Ac. Its like they're alr talking abt council while we're still doing briefing for like leadership and stuff and we've only had like 1h + of GP lecture. (not that i'm complaining at the pace, mind you!) We're going to choose our subject combos tmr! haha i've alr decided, and if i can make it, i'll take another H3 in J2. haha everyone was like, you get so low why dun take 4 H2s. hehe thats cos i have another motive!

I'm really confused abt whether i shld join choir...maybe i'll go ask Claudia abt what its like in there. My Gran is pretty opposed, but i still really love to sing =(( ohh today i heard someone go off tune singing the school song during assembly XD My other CCA choices are probably badminton, Acsian theatre or guitar. In the end, 3/4 is still performing arts! i'm super fail. lol who ask me to suck at sports so bad. Ah, and there's really swimming at AC O.o but got gym! maybe when i'm free i shall go try and run on the treadmill~

So far haven't really 'clicked' with anyone. I'm just jumping abt talking to random ppl i sit beside. But its okay, its only a few weeks in. I guess i can't expect to get lucky again like i did in sec 1 ;-) well, i entered Ac with hopes and i'll always try my best here. So dun disappoint me ACS!