16th February 2011

Happy outside... not really so inside. Its the only way i survive. Emoing everyday in school isn't exactly gonna help one's social life and its not really good for one's emotional health either. What better than to temporarily lock all that uncertainty, fear and unhappiness inside while you're with people? Everyone has their own demons that wreck their emotions. And yet, my character, fine - 'preference' - according to those workshop ppl... i won't or can't share it. The last time i did share, that person launched into a 'cold war attack.' Ahem, not exactly encouraging. Perhaps my preference are very much decided by the people i interact with. Sometimes i wonder if i would have turned out differently if the people around me weren't.. they way they are. Well, there isn't any point in dwelling to much. i just needed somewhere to write sth. Even if it is crap and most/all ppl cannot understand it. Haha

Through singing, i hope to gain the self confidence i need in life. And at the same time, just vent my feelings and frustrations out. No one hears my normal speaking voice - i get dao-ed most of the time, you can say i'm barely noticed. Quiet reserved - the ideal introvet =X But when i sing, people hear me or at least, i can hear myself. lol XD Besides i missed the feeling of hearing a combination of all the sections combining to form a wonderful song, a feeling missing from my general emotions ever since Sec 2 ended. I didn't go to guitar auditions... i'm still wondering if i shld have. haha oops. but i don't really have to worry abt not having a CCA cos i alr have a spot in the choir... (still wondering if i'd missed out by not going to guitar auditions. Oh well =/)