23rd September 2011

Happy Birthday Evangeline~ I wished you like 3 times alr! hahah

I had a wonderful time this week. Even if i didn't start out well. Its times like this that I fight for in life =) For the first time in a long time, I feel wholly happy! I went out to play in the rain yesterday... (shhh! No one is supposed to know about this, i'll get scolded for sure) for an entire 1h20min But boyy it was fun! haha You're not even sweating, its cooling, bordering on cold actually =/ and the synthetic grass felt pretty good on my feet. Haha, spontaneous actions really can add a whole range of new experiences for us. And we ended up taking jumpshot pictures. Lol i realised that my ankle tan-line is the worse, because i'm originally so fair.. Oops..

I finished my new short story~ I'm super proud of it. Its about frisbee... somehow i managed to link it to.. someone. Hence: ARGHHHHHHH! >:( Sigh anyway i wrote the story to pen down some of my confusion into words anyway. But i'm not going to send this to the publication.. no way in hell. Too obvious alr. HAHA

15th September 2011

4 days into term 4 and i'm already feeling like this.. aiyo.. how arh =( Frankly i don't understand what's going on either. The lack of communication just sucks and once again i'm struck by the hesitancy to reach out. Its amazing how things can change within a few months/weeks, how life can turn your original happiness into a feeling of dismay and disappointment. I'm not depressed.. just not sure how to respond to the odd situation at hand. I'm wary.. I really don't know what's going on. Sigh.. I guess i was asking for it, letting myself step into such a different kind of friendship and environment. I'll make mistakes.. I just hope that I won't hurt anyone in the process =/

I'm being an idiot really.. haha I know things won't work out but i end up wishing for them anyway. Perhaps i should just satisfy myself with the fact that we can throw together during PE and he's actually nice when we're throwing. Extending an invitation and giving me advice etc =X haha my backhand's really improved, now its time to work on my forehand ^^ Anyway so many issues are taking my emotions on a rollercoaster ride... time to get back to work

2nd September 2011

Not gonna post this on fb, twitter doesn't work and my itouch is dead, So here goes: if you're going to call me to entertain yourself, i would appreciate if you didn't.

23rd August 2011

I'm not supposed to be doing this... but i can't help it, i've got a lot of things to say, but in sufficient time to write them all in my diary. I have like 3 tests this week plus 3 sessions of choir (i'm not complaining.. will mention more abt this later..). I think if i weren't so.. idiotic this week, i probably won't be wishing for this week to end quickly. Today was a day of confusing feelings and fighting to keep myself happy. I mean of course there were things that made me happy, but I think because quite a lot of bad stuff happened, so they ended up 'outshining' the good things.

I'm so idiotic these few days. Kept forgetting to hand in things... to bring things, to do thing etc. last friday, forgot to hand in the class's tutorial. And from there things just went down hill... sigh i won't elaborate >.< It'll only make me even more depressed than i am now. anyway yeah, so today, i did a lot of foolish things.. choir ended around 7. But oh, Evangeline now i know the feeling of being in a bonded choir! We were walking to Buona Vista MRT station and then we started singing Ding Dong, OMG it was so fun~ hahaha Weijie keeps telling me to hit the high a/b -.- anyway, yeah i've really started to love the choir. All the great people i've yet to discover~ haha and loving how we get to sing together, that's a nice feeling =) teacher's day is coming, i hope that there'll be a miracle, and we can sing the songs to bless everyone in the hall and LT =D

The one thing that makes me smile today.. is probably a person's kind act of saying 'hi' to me. I thought he wouldn't remember me.. and life is pretty coincidental huh? Unless you don't believe in coincidences and say that it was fate.. Hahaha Then that would mean that life is playing tricks on me.. XD okay i gtg, Gp test tmr. haven't even read half of what i'm supposed to read...

12th August 2011

I was supposed to post this yesterday.. but i got depressed studying so much geog (which i doubt i'm going to do well in) and i didn't have the time to write. Also when i'm in a hurry i can't really do thing right... when i hurry myself, i'll only get the opposite effect - doing working super slowly, slower than normal. haha Yeah, i'm really different from my friends. How we get along, is something that i'm in awe of everyday... yeap so i'll treasure these friendships.

Ever felt some strong feelings for something, so strong that you really don't want to stop doing whatever you want to do/ stop seeing that person etc? I've been feeling like that so much recently, its baffling and the disappointment catches me by surprise. Wanting to do something so much, and suddenly finding out that you couldn't, knowing that it was just bad luck but being unable to do anything about it.. it was like a mental slap to me. Even writing about this, i could still feel the impact of those words. I think back and wonder, should i have done this differently...?

I realised i write about things in a really abstract way.. In fact i'm actually writing about two different things.. but linking them together cos they're actually... kinda related. Oh wells... but there's nothing i can do about this now. Only time can tell how things will change~ But i'll do my best. This week hasn't been a good week for me, and the recent realisation didn't help end the week well, so yeah. Here i am emoing away.. not really sure whether to look forward to tmr or not. Oh wells, I guess this is what happens when you make a sudden abrupt decision. But i'm gonna get through it. Notice i left out the 'try'? =D

25th July 2011

68 days to promos. Why am i NOT worried? sighs haha i didn't really do well for terms.. not very good, not very bad either. All of them are in the top range thou.. Excpet that i'm really starting to worry abt my Geog and GP. All those lessons where everyone was just arguing and i was stoning ( was i? there wasn't anything going through my mind, so many be i was) has made me feel extremely inadequate. It doesn't help that many of my friends are good at arguing in an essay almost without trying. Maybe i should consider consultations.

Today was a fun day. haha Rachel was sighing (happily) repeatedly, hence Si-an and i were teasing her relentlessly during recess. Haha but its rare to see her so happy. It makes me feel happy, whether its for her or due to the lifted atmosphere i don't know, but it was fun. Haha And there's Clarissa's want-to-catch-don't-want-to-catch expression when Wei Jie threw his jacket at her. She attacked him afterwards, which threw me into a laughing fit. Haha I'm beginning to fit into choir too. I'm glad... i found companions in the the most unexpected of friends. But hey i'm not complaining if it makes me feel a little more like i belong. And spending all the morning assemblies together.. i think my relationship with my fellow choir members is progressing ^^

I recently fell in love with frisbee. Its a super addictive sport which i am starting to grasp, and i can see myself improving with practice, unlike other sports (Basketball being a good example of this). Yeah... since frisbee involves going out into the sun/field to play, i expect myself getting a little bit more tan in the next few months XD The fun is just offset by the muscle aches and bruises experienced in the following days.. i'm still sporting some of them now even after thursday. Haha But is really fun =D And i can get to know more people too. So if i have time to spare, why not? Haha Which kinda means that i need to be more efficient when doing work. Which means no more slacking.... okay goodbye! (lol)

10th July 2011

I'm finally posting... after one month. Haha this blog's pretty dead anyway. Maybe someone will be too free, and they'll check out my fb profile and click the link to this blog. Anyway who cares, the blog is mostly for myself anyway. To satisfy my rare desires to be heard, perhaps by anyone at all.

Truth be told, recently i've been wanting to be heard. I hear myself sing but somehow it wasn't the free voice that i'd had 1 or two years ago. It's brightness is now being overshadowed by my utter lack of confidence. To the extent that i'm even beginning to wonder about the quality of my voice. Perhaps its not so ideal for choral singing after all. I can't seem to sing properly. Everyone tells me, you need taller vowels. But i was trying so hard >:( And i'm scared. I don't know how to get taller vowels.. no matter how i alter my voice it just doesn't fit. One time i sing like this, they tell us that's good. Then i sing the same way again some other day and they say it isn't tall enough. I'm so confused. The more i learn about singing the more confused i seem to get...

I miss it.

I miss the confidence that usually comes with my singing.