21st April 2011

I'm posting a lot more now! (Y) i don't know what i'm doing here since my fingers are hurting like mad now cos i just played on the guitar... haha considering the different emotional state of people around me i realised how stupid marks actually are. the number of As shouldn't be the decisive factor of going into Jc/poly. What if you're a weaker student? Your choices would be limited alr cos you can't do as well as your counterparts! People should go to schools that they want to go, at least they know that they have made the decision to go there, and they will have to live with that choice (good or bad consequences). Going to a school that you have to go, just cos you can't go anywhere else, i don't believe that that is the correct mindset someone should have when deciding their future school.

Anyway, serious matters aside.. i can finally play a bar chord! ahh~ so proud of myself man. haha it kinda helps that almost everyone around me plays guitar =)) i think quite a few of them are self taught too. And they can play like full songs Oooo... i haven't begun to even properly remember all the notes on the fretboard yet. Haha but my chords playing is quite okay alr. Found a super fun song to play: Hip to my heart by Band Perry. Its a fast paced, lively and cheeky song. haha And the strumming isn't restricted to a fixed sequence too, unlike most of the songs i know. I am trying to tell myself that i don't want an acoustic guitar. Lol But i do have to admit, the sound makes me jealous =/ classical guitar can't really produce such a nice sound. Oh well, i can only hope that, since i started with classical (which is said to be harder to play) i can switch to acoustic with... ease? XD

Choir has been... tiring. And on wednesday, i saw in someone, a reflection of myself. When i too was picked on by someone with authority. I'm not sure if i did help her in any way, but i hope she knows that the rest of the section feels for her, and we understand that she is trying her best for the section, for the choir. Perhaps what made me attempt to grab her attention and to encourage her, even a tiny little bit, was the feeling of empathy for her; i remember the 'seemingly not personal attack' - purposely you drawing you out in front of the whole choir. Purposely saying you are wrong for everyone to hear. I remember the drop in morale, the sudden irrational (or is it rational?) impulse to hate, and hate, and hate.

I'll continue to work hard in choir... and keep trying, no matter how many mistakes with make, how many scoldings we get. because we are dedicated - we chose this, I chose this, and i WILL carry it through.

Being reunited with friends after a month on Speech day, it was truly a great day =) Just thinking back makes me miss them so much! My classmates are really very fun-loving, so i'm glad i have them by my side for 2 years. The smaller class sizes and everything really makes us more bonded than usual. Ohh i got my collegiates today!! So happy~ they're like super expensive thou XD hahah

10th April 2011

Its been almost a month since i posted. XD hehe i'm always like that one la.. i dun like to post short posts. No point man. Everyone's integrating into the schools.. some better than the others. Choir is starting to look less bleak too. Except for the recent sessions when we sang the set piece and it sounded. OMG Soooo badddd =((( Thank God the conductor didn't scold... but i think we have a reason to expect one soon =( I think it was so the guys didn't start properly. And i saw Madam's death glare for the first time (directed at the guys of course). Haha it kinda regretful that the Soprano Section is so big =/ Its hard to get to know everyone... but its looking better now, so i'm glad. Of course the scolding was getting kinda depressing... but a guest conductor came by and things lightened up a little bit. I hope we can take advantage of this good mood and take bigger, happier steps forward. And Evangeline, do cheer up =) your choir seems so depressing... but don't let it get to you k! Choir really required a big effort on everyone's part..dun get stressed from other ppl not putting in effort k =(( Looking forward to seeing you on Saturday =DD (i'll be missing my choir session.... haha XD)

My class is fun =)) I really want to try to talk to everyone as much as possible and not stay stuck in a clique like last time! I guess it kinda helps that the ppl i'm usually with also mingle around too =DD i've recently started to get bullied, as in, not in the serious way. lol erh but i don't welcome the feeling of 2 ppl simultaneously poking or hitting me.. or poking me in the neck etc. lol my sister says all the small ppl like to get bullied. Then i told her Evangeline was an exception. XDXD i would like to write a whole lot more, but i have 4 tests next week... and a heck lot of homework, so i'm going to go off and do my chinese now. SIGH

20th March 2011

Term 2 is gonna start like... in 3 hours. HAHAHA Oh well, i'll bet it'll be tiring, but i hope it'll be fun at the same time =)) Anyway i'm supposed to be reading this GP thingy about education... but i'm kinda like procrastinating now cos, its so freaking cheem O.o Seriously.. haha I wanted to talk abt choir.. Okay so we like got scolded on Thursday's practice.. cos we weren't going at a pace that was fast enough. It brought my mood like all the way down into the mud -.- Seriously, and my past choir could even get away with working on one meager song for 5 hours.. No use comparing thou, cos i just got to experience the choir at like.. its best? And OMG even i was wowed. No wonder they won't compromise on standards.. especially when it can do this well. XD

Saturday was so cool!! =D Every time i think about it i get super exhilarated. We sat in mixed positions (and i thought we would never do that XD) and i could hear the bass part beside me and another tenor behind. The surround effect was super nice! XD not like last time we tried with my secondary school choir and i could only hear the loud seniors. Here, its amazing how everyone sings loudly, and contributes. Usually when instructed, there will be a change in sound, no matter how little. Its great here =) The only problem is finding people to talk to. Sigh =( I dunno... can't really talk to them, and we're not allowed to talk during rehearsals... maybe it just me making excuses.. i dunno. I can only hope that it becomes better.
Apart from that.. i'm quite contented. The syf period is looming over the horizon... hours of choir practice, homework, CA tests... they all about to come rushing at us. I can only pray that we have the perseverance to fight through all of it and emerge victorious in the end =D

27th February 2011

Heyyy~ I been posting more lately. I dunno. Haha i'm quite contented with life. I wonder why some people seem so depressed lately. Everyone has their own definition of 'happiness' - because we all want something from life. It changes all the time, changing according to our preferences, our 'greed' for certain things... Perhaps their life just doesn't hit the standard they want.

There was one decision, i'd made quite long ago, a decision that i still regret even now. Why did i choose to go to one side of the fence? Why did i throw away the other, labelling it as 'someone i wasn't as close to'? Why couldn't i have just sat on the fence - simple, because it was easier to stand on solid ground compared to sitting on such a narrow fence. At first i thought she'd already forgotten about it, to a certain extent, that its no longer hurting her. But how wrong i was. And now there's this certain distance that's there. Truth be told, i know, it'll be hard to close the distance. I don't blame her if she wants that it to remain that way. Well, Evan, if you're reading this, i want to apologise for leaving you out for all those time. (I think, you know what i'm talking abt.) I truly regretted it, for taking a side and leaving the other. It was mean of me =/ Thank you for supporting me throughout all those cold wars. After a while, i'd sworn never never to make such a mistake ever again.

Life recently has been eventful, albiet a little unlucky. 1) my form teacher took my choir file by accident and i had to run from one end of the school to to the other a back, in between lessons just to get it back from her. 2) it rained really heavily during cross country and my shoes got wet... i got back to Clementi only to have the stupid Joo Koon(sp) train delay for at least 10 min. Hehe but i was happy that day~ 3) broke a pipette during my first Chem prac =.= and spilled (diluted) alkali on my pencilbox. If i were in a bad mood, i would be extremely furious. But i was happy, so yeah, they merely made life 'eventful', not 'pissing off'. hahah Choir's been fun but tiring. I feel so free to be singing again =) and i can reach high A again! lalala. The only prob is that i have no one to talk to in choir, apart from my senior -.- And while we're singing, also cannot talk. Hmph =(

I really miss my Crescent friends =( wish i could see them, not talk to them on Msn or the phone. Oh btw, my MSN is screwed - cannot open for some damn reason, so that just gives me less time to talk to them! *angry*

16th February 2011

Happy outside... not really so inside. Its the only way i survive. Emoing everyday in school isn't exactly gonna help one's social life and its not really good for one's emotional health either. What better than to temporarily lock all that uncertainty, fear and unhappiness inside while you're with people? Everyone has their own demons that wreck their emotions. And yet, my character, fine - 'preference' - according to those workshop ppl... i won't or can't share it. The last time i did share, that person launched into a 'cold war attack.' Ahem, not exactly encouraging. Perhaps my preference are very much decided by the people i interact with. Sometimes i wonder if i would have turned out differently if the people around me weren't.. they way they are. Well, there isn't any point in dwelling to much. i just needed somewhere to write sth. Even if it is crap and most/all ppl cannot understand it. Haha

Through singing, i hope to gain the self confidence i need in life. And at the same time, just vent my feelings and frustrations out. No one hears my normal speaking voice - i get dao-ed most of the time, you can say i'm barely noticed. Quiet reserved - the ideal introvet =X But when i sing, people hear me or at least, i can hear myself. lol XD Besides i missed the feeling of hearing a combination of all the sections combining to form a wonderful song, a feeling missing from my general emotions ever since Sec 2 ended. I didn't go to guitar auditions... i'm still wondering if i shld have. haha oops. but i don't really have to worry abt not having a CCA cos i alr have a spot in the choir... (still wondering if i'd missed out by not going to guitar auditions. Oh well =/)

New... everything

Okay, this post is up for a certain someone. Haha you know who you are. Anyway JC has started for abt 3 week alr? Perhaps less. At first i was really nervous. But after the first initial day, the nervousness faded off. I guess it just takes a matter of getting used to all the guys XD and then starting to talk to them. I had to admit, i think i'm taking way longer than a certain someone. Hm oh well, its not like i totally didn't talk to them. hahaha Orientation was super fun at Ac. Haha the campfire followed by a (unexpected) party was... hmm fun. but kinda gross cos like everyone was sweating and you kept bumping into ppl. I loved the OGL's dance so much! haha i wish i could learn it *envious* So i think i want to become an OGL next year! =DDD new target, haha I want to make orientation for the new J1s as fun as my OGLs made it for me. Thanks guys!! =))

The playfulness at Ac is so infectious, you feel like playing along after a while. Haha the uniform is a little weird... i keep thinking that my skirt is too long. We have like chapel on monday mornings. And tmr we go to school late! yay! so happy. We're gonna split of from our OGs into our classes alr next week. =(( quite sad cos i'm only just starting to talk to and get to know everyone.

I'm surprised how fast everything in NJ is moving compared to Ac. Its like they're alr talking abt council while we're still doing briefing for like leadership and stuff and we've only had like 1h + of GP lecture. (not that i'm complaining at the pace, mind you!) We're going to choose our subject combos tmr! haha i've alr decided, and if i can make it, i'll take another H3 in J2. haha everyone was like, you get so low why dun take 4 H2s. hehe thats cos i have another motive!

I'm really confused abt whether i shld join choir...maybe i'll go ask Claudia abt what its like in there. My Gran is pretty opposed, but i still really love to sing =(( ohh today i heard someone go off tune singing the school song during assembly XD My other CCA choices are probably badminton, Acsian theatre or guitar. In the end, 3/4 is still performing arts! i'm super fail. lol who ask me to suck at sports so bad. Ah, and there's really swimming at AC O.o but got gym! maybe when i'm free i shall go try and run on the treadmill~

So far haven't really 'clicked' with anyone. I'm just jumping abt talking to random ppl i sit beside. But its okay, its only a few weeks in. I guess i can't expect to get lucky again like i did in sec 1 ;-) well, i entered Ac with hopes and i'll always try my best here. So dun disappoint me ACS!

9th October 2010

Yesterday was the graduation ceremony for the 2010 batch of students. A great sense of nostalgia, sadness and happiness mixed in together. Nostalgia to have to part like that; 4 years which seemed to long and endless when i was in secondary 1, I had walked through with it. And yesterday i finished, together with so many other people, that phrase of our lives. In Primary school, i wouldn't have thought twice about it. My Primary school meant nothing to me, i didn't mind drifting apart from my best friends then.

4 years ago i walked in, bearing thoughts of meeting various people, and finding friends for life. I sat in a seat at the back of the class, little did i know, next to a girl who is now one of my best friends. I met the most eccentric, the most amusing, the best people to be with, the most irritating ones... D.I.S.C type personalities, Crescent holds them all. (Teachers included)

I've felt the pain of parting, the happiness of reunion. I've found passion for the things i do, and developed my own character with courage i've gained from my friends and family. I'm sure everyone did, although their motive when they entered the school might be somewhat different from mine.

I didn't cry yesterday. But today, everything seems to be suddenly rushing back again. I always have slow reactions. Whether it was when Ms Tham left or when i left the school. Thank you, everyone who played a part in my life, for everything.

My only regret, is that i may end up hating one of my other best friends before i leave. I get this feelings that she's doing particular things on purpose. I cannot forget things that you have done for me, but in the least, let us part (even a little) as friends. But i doubt she'll read this. After all, she's hinting that i'm boring.