31st December 2011

Its already the last day of 2011; in the blink of an eye, my first year in AC has started.. and ended. Feels just yesterday when I sat in my bright yellow and turquoise Crescent uniform in ACJC's huge hall and watched the OGLs perform.

Now, months later, after a series of attempted friendships, questions about commitment, killing thousands of trees in several exams and several crushes, I have survived 2011. It wasn't easy; even now i'm fighting. This year I learnt a lot of things. I guess JC is where we slowly begin to learn the ropes of today's society. At least that's what it feels like to me. Oh and how could i forget? How.. dramatic/interesting life can become just by adding one ingredient: the opposite gender. Okay, nuff said. I'm sure many will agree with me ;)

The last day of 2011 for me was amid confusion, pmsing weather and mothers, failed attempts to start a conversation etc. a hurricane of emotions. Horrible. Anyways the end of 2011 simply just signifies the start of 2012. As usual, I will always try to make the best of it; although something tells me it may be pretty lonely. But whatever i'll do my best =D Be it for As or just life in general!

Ah yes, and Happy New Year! =D

16th December 2011

Today was the first day of carolling
I didn't go
Came down with a 39 degree fever
It was as if there were stones tied to my arms and legs when i woke up
And as usual, the most unexpected person(s) cared
It wasn't who i was looking for
But thank you all the same :)

You forgot something that i hoped you wouldn't
Maybe you just forgot, or maybe you just didn't bother to find out
Then why should i have taken the effort in the first place?
So many broken, empty promises
You let me down
And i am gradually losing hope

Thank You

That small act of remembering what i'd told you such a long time ago

It lifted my discouraged spirits right up

31st October 2011

"By the time he let her go and they went out for lunch, her hands were toasty warm, so was her heart"

Sorry i couldn't resist sharing this XD This is the product of excessive hopes and consecutive days cooped up in an ice-cold badminton hall to take exams. Nuff said.

Happy Birthday Zhuo Min.. but i doubt you'll see this haha

Hey, Evangeline: Sometimes people may say/do things that hurt us. We smile and say its okay but deep inside, our hearts are actually crying. Some times people push us away (quite literally), sometimes we're the second choice. We cannot control the decisions that people make but what we can do is to face the pain, i guess. Decide what we are willing to compromise on, what we cannot... and to move on from there. When we meet someone who hurts us, i'm sure that there'll be someone out there to heal too ^^ And i'm really glad you managed to find that person! Stay happy dear! I'll always be there for you =)

PS leave a comment or sth when you see this? XD

17th October 2011

I'm tired. I say it once, i say it again, the exact reason why school is unbearable is because i'm not allowed to get enough sleep before i go to school!

Sigh something rather unexpected today. A friend of mine used his phone to sms a sweet message to me. Yes, it contained the word 'love'. Talk about misleading.. Of course i knew that it wasn't him when i first saw it. I laughed it off in school because i know that you didn't intent to hurt me when you took his phone. He just happened to be beside you. What had hurt was the reminder of the fact that it was impossible between us... At least that's what my common sense and rationality is telling me.

Things aren't exactly going easy.. but i'm pushing on. No matter what happens. I've taken the first step with positive results, i'm not going to turn around and waste it. "Once you hear the 'yes', there is no way you will quit"

I really really don't know how to put up a chatbox T.T

11th October 2011

I just updated my blogskin! Yay! Problem is: i don't know how to put in a chatbox. Sighs Why i'm so bo liao as to go edit my blog? Well its after promos! And i have nothing to do. I have gone out at all.. when i used to go out all the time with my friends after most major exams. I don't know. AC is wonderful, yes i love the sense of bonding there. But at the same time my selfish heart isn't satisfied. Close friends, i have yet to find. Sure i have friends who tease me and laugh with me.. Maybe its because everyone is such an extrovert, everyone enjoys being in such big groups of people. Contrary to that, being with big groups of people isn't my idea of fun, in fact it only made me draw myself further into my heart. I know i have to get used to it; that's the hard truth of life, but i can't bring myself to do it when i'm already feeling down. From prior experiences, going out with big groups of people, i know, will only serve to make me feel worse. I guess i'll have to slowly grow into it.. Sigh and i was so looking forward to a game tmr. And i'm too shy to ask him if we can go throw together T.T

I swear.... we have 3 opportunities every day to interact: in class and during our 2 CCAs. And yet we don't even talk much. Fail la ziyu, fail -.-

Anyways I shall bury myself in books then. Bleh

23rd September 2011

Happy Birthday Evangeline~ I wished you like 3 times alr! hahah

I had a wonderful time this week. Even if i didn't start out well. Its times like this that I fight for in life =) For the first time in a long time, I feel wholly happy! I went out to play in the rain yesterday... (shhh! No one is supposed to know about this, i'll get scolded for sure) for an entire 1h20min But boyy it was fun! haha You're not even sweating, its cooling, bordering on cold actually =/ and the synthetic grass felt pretty good on my feet. Haha, spontaneous actions really can add a whole range of new experiences for us. And we ended up taking jumpshot pictures. Lol i realised that my ankle tan-line is the worse, because i'm originally so fair.. Oops..

I finished my new short story~ I'm super proud of it. Its about frisbee... somehow i managed to link it to.. someone. Hence: ARGHHHHHHH! >:( Sigh anyway i wrote the story to pen down some of my confusion into words anyway. But i'm not going to send this to the publication.. no way in hell. Too obvious alr. HAHA

15th September 2011

4 days into term 4 and i'm already feeling like this.. aiyo.. how arh =( Frankly i don't understand what's going on either. The lack of communication just sucks and once again i'm struck by the hesitancy to reach out. Its amazing how things can change within a few months/weeks, how life can turn your original happiness into a feeling of dismay and disappointment. I'm not depressed.. just not sure how to respond to the odd situation at hand. I'm wary.. I really don't know what's going on. Sigh.. I guess i was asking for it, letting myself step into such a different kind of friendship and environment. I'll make mistakes.. I just hope that I won't hurt anyone in the process =/

I'm being an idiot really.. haha I know things won't work out but i end up wishing for them anyway. Perhaps i should just satisfy myself with the fact that we can throw together during PE and he's actually nice when we're throwing. Extending an invitation and giving me advice etc =X haha my backhand's really improved, now its time to work on my forehand ^^ Anyway so many issues are taking my emotions on a rollercoaster ride... time to get back to work

2nd September 2011

Not gonna post this on fb, twitter doesn't work and my itouch is dead, So here goes: if you're going to call me to entertain yourself, i would appreciate if you didn't.

23rd August 2011

I'm not supposed to be doing this... but i can't help it, i've got a lot of things to say, but in sufficient time to write them all in my diary. I have like 3 tests this week plus 3 sessions of choir (i'm not complaining.. will mention more abt this later..). I think if i weren't so.. idiotic this week, i probably won't be wishing for this week to end quickly. Today was a day of confusing feelings and fighting to keep myself happy. I mean of course there were things that made me happy, but I think because quite a lot of bad stuff happened, so they ended up 'outshining' the good things.

I'm so idiotic these few days. Kept forgetting to hand in things... to bring things, to do thing etc. last friday, forgot to hand in the class's tutorial. And from there things just went down hill... sigh i won't elaborate >.< It'll only make me even more depressed than i am now. anyway yeah, so today, i did a lot of foolish things.. choir ended around 7. But oh, Evangeline now i know the feeling of being in a bonded choir! We were walking to Buona Vista MRT station and then we started singing Ding Dong, OMG it was so fun~ hahaha Weijie keeps telling me to hit the high a/b -.- anyway, yeah i've really started to love the choir. All the great people i've yet to discover~ haha and loving how we get to sing together, that's a nice feeling =) teacher's day is coming, i hope that there'll be a miracle, and we can sing the songs to bless everyone in the hall and LT =D

The one thing that makes me smile today.. is probably a person's kind act of saying 'hi' to me. I thought he wouldn't remember me.. and life is pretty coincidental huh? Unless you don't believe in coincidences and say that it was fate.. Hahaha Then that would mean that life is playing tricks on me.. XD okay i gtg, Gp test tmr. haven't even read half of what i'm supposed to read...

12th August 2011

I was supposed to post this yesterday.. but i got depressed studying so much geog (which i doubt i'm going to do well in) and i didn't have the time to write. Also when i'm in a hurry i can't really do thing right... when i hurry myself, i'll only get the opposite effect - doing working super slowly, slower than normal. haha Yeah, i'm really different from my friends. How we get along, is something that i'm in awe of everyday... yeap so i'll treasure these friendships.

Ever felt some strong feelings for something, so strong that you really don't want to stop doing whatever you want to do/ stop seeing that person etc? I've been feeling like that so much recently, its baffling and the disappointment catches me by surprise. Wanting to do something so much, and suddenly finding out that you couldn't, knowing that it was just bad luck but being unable to do anything about it.. it was like a mental slap to me. Even writing about this, i could still feel the impact of those words. I think back and wonder, should i have done this differently...?

I realised i write about things in a really abstract way.. In fact i'm actually writing about two different things.. but linking them together cos they're actually... kinda related. Oh wells... but there's nothing i can do about this now. Only time can tell how things will change~ But i'll do my best. This week hasn't been a good week for me, and the recent realisation didn't help end the week well, so yeah. Here i am emoing away.. not really sure whether to look forward to tmr or not. Oh wells, I guess this is what happens when you make a sudden abrupt decision. But i'm gonna get through it. Notice i left out the 'try'? =D

25th July 2011

68 days to promos. Why am i NOT worried? sighs haha i didn't really do well for terms.. not very good, not very bad either. All of them are in the top range thou.. Excpet that i'm really starting to worry abt my Geog and GP. All those lessons where everyone was just arguing and i was stoning ( was i? there wasn't anything going through my mind, so many be i was) has made me feel extremely inadequate. It doesn't help that many of my friends are good at arguing in an essay almost without trying. Maybe i should consider consultations.

Today was a fun day. haha Rachel was sighing (happily) repeatedly, hence Si-an and i were teasing her relentlessly during recess. Haha but its rare to see her so happy. It makes me feel happy, whether its for her or due to the lifted atmosphere i don't know, but it was fun. Haha And there's Clarissa's want-to-catch-don't-want-to-catch expression when Wei Jie threw his jacket at her. She attacked him afterwards, which threw me into a laughing fit. Haha I'm beginning to fit into choir too. I'm glad... i found companions in the the most unexpected of friends. But hey i'm not complaining if it makes me feel a little more like i belong. And spending all the morning assemblies together.. i think my relationship with my fellow choir members is progressing ^^

I recently fell in love with frisbee. Its a super addictive sport which i am starting to grasp, and i can see myself improving with practice, unlike other sports (Basketball being a good example of this). Yeah... since frisbee involves going out into the sun/field to play, i expect myself getting a little bit more tan in the next few months XD The fun is just offset by the muscle aches and bruises experienced in the following days.. i'm still sporting some of them now even after thursday. Haha But is really fun =D And i can get to know more people too. So if i have time to spare, why not? Haha Which kinda means that i need to be more efficient when doing work. Which means no more slacking.... okay goodbye! (lol)

10th July 2011

I'm finally posting... after one month. Haha this blog's pretty dead anyway. Maybe someone will be too free, and they'll check out my fb profile and click the link to this blog. Anyway who cares, the blog is mostly for myself anyway. To satisfy my rare desires to be heard, perhaps by anyone at all.

Truth be told, recently i've been wanting to be heard. I hear myself sing but somehow it wasn't the free voice that i'd had 1 or two years ago. It's brightness is now being overshadowed by my utter lack of confidence. To the extent that i'm even beginning to wonder about the quality of my voice. Perhaps its not so ideal for choral singing after all. I can't seem to sing properly. Everyone tells me, you need taller vowels. But i was trying so hard >:( And i'm scared. I don't know how to get taller vowels.. no matter how i alter my voice it just doesn't fit. One time i sing like this, they tell us that's good. Then i sing the same way again some other day and they say it isn't tall enough. I'm so confused. The more i learn about singing the more confused i seem to get...

I miss it.

I miss the confidence that usually comes with my singing.

16th June 2011

I'm... procrastinating. As usual. School starts in a little over a week. And everyone around me is sighing about how fast this holiday has gone. I'm no exception. After 2-3 months, (10 weeks actually) of fighting, i highly doubt that one month is enough to recover. Especially one when there is the ever constant pressure of having to study for terms and complete the huge pile of homework at the same time. Before we know it, the 'break' is gone and we are thrown back into the hectic lifestyle of a student. What can we do? Time remains as impatient as ever. Forcing us to forge forwards as the hands of the clock continue to tick.

No one will ever know what a new day brings. Sometimes you look back and wonder, where did the good old days go? Days when you could smile every day for longer periods of time. Days when the word 'depressed' never found a place in my vocabulary. Peaceful and happy. Why is it that, when you become older, the more you seem to have to carry on your shoulders? The more you have to worry about. Also, I envy people who can be so straight forward in any situation. I... have not grown 'more straight forward' in any way, and if self-awareness instincts serve me right, i have grown further and further away from the definition. In the end, what i'm asking for, is the mindset of a child again. Yet, we can never turn back the hands of time, for what is lost is now gone. I can only hope to appreciate as much of the (albeit limited) freedom i have, and not let the rest of my teenage years go to waste.

I read somewhere before: If you were surrounded by a mountain pile of dirty clothes, and you only had a bucket and water with you, what would you do? The only option is to start at the clothes by your feet, and wash and wash. Slowly but surely, you will eventually begin to finish them all. The new term is starting (sadly) and we will never know what problems, uncertainties and fears will appear. We can only hope work through them all slowly. Even though we may cry, hurt and attain scars on the way, eventually i hope we'll all be able to see the sun =)

ARGH omg i'm so emo today. Hahaha but seriously i'm in a freakishly weird mood. And i just had to receive a call halfway through this post. Needless to say it was an awkward phone call; partly cos of the topic of discussion and my mood at that point of time. Now i feel bad T.T

2nd June 2011

Its already the middle of 2011 =/ and i remember how i was during this time last year, mugging (at least trying to, i think) and hoping for the O levels to be over. Today, I am bored.. okay fine i'm lying. I am dead tired. So many things have been running through my head over the past few days and studies are.. not really my priority, yet. haha

Insecurities, puppy love issues, thoughts about the current state of things, thoughts about the future. Its been overwhelming. Somehow, when i made the transition from school to holidays (from AEWF to the start of the holidays), from always being around people to just me and papers, out of the blue.. it became a little lonely. It doesn't help that my past insecurities are haunting me again. It occurred to me to be more appreciative of these periods of time when i'm alone, to reflect and think. But i guess too much of it isn't good for me either. And when you have too much to think about... you just get overwhelmed. Should i be satisfied with the way things are? Why did i suddenly want to consider to do something related to music? Do i have a right to be disappointed? So many questions, but the more i think, the more muddled i get, the harder it is to find answers. But if i don't think about them, they're like thorns in my flesh, constantly there to bother me.

I pray, please, lessen her pain =/

24th May 2011

Its almost the end of the term!!! Arghh but why do all the things have to keep rushing us during the last week of the term??? =( The thread holding me up is thin enough alr! Sigh but what can we do? >.< we complain, will for time to pass faster, but it just never does.... the only thing we can do is to bite our tongues, and survive on. During this taxing period of time i realised something...

Little things easily make me happy... or sad, for that matter.

Like meeting your good friend after so long just to catch up

Like seeing a teacher(s) who you've thought didn't know you, unexpectedly say hi

Like a warm hug out of the blue from a classmate/friend

Like a smile or greeting from anyone you know

Like gathering up the courage to make a rather weird apology, only to find that it did mean as much to her as it did to me

Like one less scolding from someone you respect

Like a usually mean person suddenly treating you nicely

Like a friend suddenly tagging you in a note on fb

Little things that I have come to appreciate as my wits and endurance are stretched to their limits.

I'm glad i have such supporting people around me, even if they're unconsciously doing it XD I hope i can return the favour one day ;-) Haha okay time to get back to work...

"There comes a point in life when you realise who matters, who never did, who won't anymore and who always will. So don't worry about the people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future" - i have never loved a quote more. It has the potential to comfort me in times of doubt =)

16th May 2011

Yay! Its Vesak day tmr =D At least another break, that is not taken up. Except for having to go for a 2 hour chem lesson tmr... oh well, chem is going to be fun, i hope... oh well. Hahaha School has been tiring, but chock full of new experiences just waiting to be tried out ^^ Except for learning math... there really isn't anything interesting learning about how to count up a row of numbers... Sigh okay, lets just say that my maths hasn't been doing very well ever since i came to JC. Unbelievable? Well, you better believe it. Haha i'm considering tuition again, but maybe after the June holidays if my term exams come out bad.

At the moment i'm just slacking away... although i do have a list of undone homework and more waiting that are due over the next few days. (laughs guiltily) I'm going to have to do work after I post this up....

ACJC's concert An Evening With Friends is fast approaching! I highly recommend you go cos the songs are just amazing ^^ there's accapella, sacred songs, chinese songs, tribal(?) songs... and more. Haha and we're not the only ones performing! There's our 20 strong alumni and the University of Auckland Chamber Choir =DD Okay this seems more like an advertisment now. Haha

Anyway, the choir is turning into overdrive again, as we work to perfecting the songs we're singing... i can't remember the exact number, neither am i hardworking enough to go count.. but its quite a lot. All the best to the J2s as they persevere on amid their exams while perfecting their music! I don't actually know what more to write here.... hmmm i should get to work =(

- in the end, you just read a product of procrastination, by yours truly - HAHAHAH

3rd May 2011

I could remember the date of today without even checking the calendar. This is probably because SYF is tmr =/ I'm kinda worried T.T There is so much to remember and at the same time i need to turn that information into something beautiful and priceless, filled with the love of making music instead of me trying desperately to remember all the points that my conductor has mentioned to me... That's HARD T.T But i'll do my best and hopefully, i can deliver that kind of music to the audience. Seriously, reading the sms my teachers sent us makes me want to cry... i think if i can truly carry this out tomorrow, i can finally know the true pleasure of performing as a chorister.

I can't stop singing liao. lol Haha Ironic how i am better singing outside my home than inside it. It's probably because my parents and entire family don't know that i can actually sing super loudly and i'm not keen to the idea of introducing that to them - in case they decide criticise a secret that i'm very proud of. Lol i put a lot of effort into perfecting my voice =) And now i'm working on the vowels... and perhaps realising the true pleasure of performing can also help my voice grow too =D

Aiya enough with the choir stuff.. i was supposed to go finish up my maths tutorial and do some chem revision! Arghhh

21st April 2011

I'm posting a lot more now! (Y) i don't know what i'm doing here since my fingers are hurting like mad now cos i just played on the guitar... haha considering the different emotional state of people around me i realised how stupid marks actually are. the number of As shouldn't be the decisive factor of going into Jc/poly. What if you're a weaker student? Your choices would be limited alr cos you can't do as well as your counterparts! People should go to schools that they want to go, at least they know that they have made the decision to go there, and they will have to live with that choice (good or bad consequences). Going to a school that you have to go, just cos you can't go anywhere else, i don't believe that that is the correct mindset someone should have when deciding their future school.

Anyway, serious matters aside.. i can finally play a bar chord! ahh~ so proud of myself man. haha it kinda helps that almost everyone around me plays guitar =)) i think quite a few of them are self taught too. And they can play like full songs Oooo... i haven't begun to even properly remember all the notes on the fretboard yet. Haha but my chords playing is quite okay alr. Found a super fun song to play: Hip to my heart by Band Perry. Its a fast paced, lively and cheeky song. haha And the strumming isn't restricted to a fixed sequence too, unlike most of the songs i know. I am trying to tell myself that i don't want an acoustic guitar. Lol But i do have to admit, the sound makes me jealous =/ classical guitar can't really produce such a nice sound. Oh well, i can only hope that, since i started with classical (which is said to be harder to play) i can switch to acoustic with... ease? XD

Choir has been... tiring. And on wednesday, i saw in someone, a reflection of myself. When i too was picked on by someone with authority. I'm not sure if i did help her in any way, but i hope she knows that the rest of the section feels for her, and we understand that she is trying her best for the section, for the choir. Perhaps what made me attempt to grab her attention and to encourage her, even a tiny little bit, was the feeling of empathy for her; i remember the 'seemingly not personal attack' - purposely you drawing you out in front of the whole choir. Purposely saying you are wrong for everyone to hear. I remember the drop in morale, the sudden irrational (or is it rational?) impulse to hate, and hate, and hate.

I'll continue to work hard in choir... and keep trying, no matter how many mistakes with make, how many scoldings we get. because we are dedicated - we chose this, I chose this, and i WILL carry it through.

Being reunited with friends after a month on Speech day, it was truly a great day =) Just thinking back makes me miss them so much! My classmates are really very fun-loving, so i'm glad i have them by my side for 2 years. The smaller class sizes and everything really makes us more bonded than usual. Ohh i got my collegiates today!! So happy~ they're like super expensive thou XD hahah

10th April 2011

Its been almost a month since i posted. XD hehe i'm always like that one la.. i dun like to post short posts. No point man. Everyone's integrating into the schools.. some better than the others. Choir is starting to look less bleak too. Except for the recent sessions when we sang the set piece and it sounded. OMG Soooo badddd =((( Thank God the conductor didn't scold... but i think we have a reason to expect one soon =( I think it was so the guys didn't start properly. And i saw Madam's death glare for the first time (directed at the guys of course). Haha it kinda regretful that the Soprano Section is so big =/ Its hard to get to know everyone... but its looking better now, so i'm glad. Of course the scolding was getting kinda depressing... but a guest conductor came by and things lightened up a little bit. I hope we can take advantage of this good mood and take bigger, happier steps forward. And Evangeline, do cheer up =) your choir seems so depressing... but don't let it get to you k! Choir really required a big effort on everyone's part..dun get stressed from other ppl not putting in effort k =(( Looking forward to seeing you on Saturday =DD (i'll be missing my choir session.... haha XD)

My class is fun =)) I really want to try to talk to everyone as much as possible and not stay stuck in a clique like last time! I guess it kinda helps that the ppl i'm usually with also mingle around too =DD i've recently started to get bullied, as in, not in the serious way. lol erh but i don't welcome the feeling of 2 ppl simultaneously poking or hitting me.. or poking me in the neck etc. lol my sister says all the small ppl like to get bullied. Then i told her Evangeline was an exception. XDXD i would like to write a whole lot more, but i have 4 tests next week... and a heck lot of homework, so i'm going to go off and do my chinese now. SIGH

20th March 2011

Term 2 is gonna start like... in 3 hours. HAHAHA Oh well, i'll bet it'll be tiring, but i hope it'll be fun at the same time =)) Anyway i'm supposed to be reading this GP thingy about education... but i'm kinda like procrastinating now cos, its so freaking cheem O.o Seriously.. haha I wanted to talk abt choir.. Okay so we like got scolded on Thursday's practice.. cos we weren't going at a pace that was fast enough. It brought my mood like all the way down into the mud -.- Seriously, and my past choir could even get away with working on one meager song for 5 hours.. No use comparing thou, cos i just got to experience the choir at like.. its best? And OMG even i was wowed. No wonder they won't compromise on standards.. especially when it can do this well. XD

Saturday was so cool!! =D Every time i think about it i get super exhilarated. We sat in mixed positions (and i thought we would never do that XD) and i could hear the bass part beside me and another tenor behind. The surround effect was super nice! XD not like last time we tried with my secondary school choir and i could only hear the loud seniors. Here, its amazing how everyone sings loudly, and contributes. Usually when instructed, there will be a change in sound, no matter how little. Its great here =) The only problem is finding people to talk to. Sigh =( I dunno... can't really talk to them, and we're not allowed to talk during rehearsals... maybe it just me making excuses.. i dunno. I can only hope that it becomes better.
Apart from that.. i'm quite contented. The syf period is looming over the horizon... hours of choir practice, homework, CA tests... they all about to come rushing at us. I can only pray that we have the perseverance to fight through all of it and emerge victorious in the end =D

27th February 2011

Heyyy~ I been posting more lately. I dunno. Haha i'm quite contented with life. I wonder why some people seem so depressed lately. Everyone has their own definition of 'happiness' - because we all want something from life. It changes all the time, changing according to our preferences, our 'greed' for certain things... Perhaps their life just doesn't hit the standard they want.

There was one decision, i'd made quite long ago, a decision that i still regret even now. Why did i choose to go to one side of the fence? Why did i throw away the other, labelling it as 'someone i wasn't as close to'? Why couldn't i have just sat on the fence - simple, because it was easier to stand on solid ground compared to sitting on such a narrow fence. At first i thought she'd already forgotten about it, to a certain extent, that its no longer hurting her. But how wrong i was. And now there's this certain distance that's there. Truth be told, i know, it'll be hard to close the distance. I don't blame her if she wants that it to remain that way. Well, Evan, if you're reading this, i want to apologise for leaving you out for all those time. (I think, you know what i'm talking abt.) I truly regretted it, for taking a side and leaving the other. It was mean of me =/ Thank you for supporting me throughout all those cold wars. After a while, i'd sworn never never to make such a mistake ever again.

Life recently has been eventful, albiet a little unlucky. 1) my form teacher took my choir file by accident and i had to run from one end of the school to to the other a back, in between lessons just to get it back from her. 2) it rained really heavily during cross country and my shoes got wet... i got back to Clementi only to have the stupid Joo Koon(sp) train delay for at least 10 min. Hehe but i was happy that day~ 3) broke a pipette during my first Chem prac =.= and spilled (diluted) alkali on my pencilbox. If i were in a bad mood, i would be extremely furious. But i was happy, so yeah, they merely made life 'eventful', not 'pissing off'. hahah Choir's been fun but tiring. I feel so free to be singing again =) and i can reach high A again! lalala. The only prob is that i have no one to talk to in choir, apart from my senior -.- And while we're singing, also cannot talk. Hmph =(

I really miss my Crescent friends =( wish i could see them, not talk to them on Msn or the phone. Oh btw, my MSN is screwed - cannot open for some damn reason, so that just gives me less time to talk to them! *angry*

16th February 2011

Happy outside... not really so inside. Its the only way i survive. Emoing everyday in school isn't exactly gonna help one's social life and its not really good for one's emotional health either. What better than to temporarily lock all that uncertainty, fear and unhappiness inside while you're with people? Everyone has their own demons that wreck their emotions. And yet, my character, fine - 'preference' - according to those workshop ppl... i won't or can't share it. The last time i did share, that person launched into a 'cold war attack.' Ahem, not exactly encouraging. Perhaps my preference are very much decided by the people i interact with. Sometimes i wonder if i would have turned out differently if the people around me weren't.. they way they are. Well, there isn't any point in dwelling to much. i just needed somewhere to write sth. Even if it is crap and most/all ppl cannot understand it. Haha

Through singing, i hope to gain the self confidence i need in life. And at the same time, just vent my feelings and frustrations out. No one hears my normal speaking voice - i get dao-ed most of the time, you can say i'm barely noticed. Quiet reserved - the ideal introvet =X But when i sing, people hear me or at least, i can hear myself. lol XD Besides i missed the feeling of hearing a combination of all the sections combining to form a wonderful song, a feeling missing from my general emotions ever since Sec 2 ended. I didn't go to guitar auditions... i'm still wondering if i shld have. haha oops. but i don't really have to worry abt not having a CCA cos i alr have a spot in the choir... (still wondering if i'd missed out by not going to guitar auditions. Oh well =/)

New... everything

Okay, this post is up for a certain someone. Haha you know who you are. Anyway JC has started for abt 3 week alr? Perhaps less. At first i was really nervous. But after the first initial day, the nervousness faded off. I guess it just takes a matter of getting used to all the guys XD and then starting to talk to them. I had to admit, i think i'm taking way longer than a certain someone. Hm oh well, its not like i totally didn't talk to them. hahaha Orientation was super fun at Ac. Haha the campfire followed by a (unexpected) party was... hmm fun. but kinda gross cos like everyone was sweating and you kept bumping into ppl. I loved the OGL's dance so much! haha i wish i could learn it *envious* So i think i want to become an OGL next year! =DDD new target, haha I want to make orientation for the new J1s as fun as my OGLs made it for me. Thanks guys!! =))

The playfulness at Ac is so infectious, you feel like playing along after a while. Haha the uniform is a little weird... i keep thinking that my skirt is too long. We have like chapel on monday mornings. And tmr we go to school late! yay! so happy. We're gonna split of from our OGs into our classes alr next week. =(( quite sad cos i'm only just starting to talk to and get to know everyone.

I'm surprised how fast everything in NJ is moving compared to Ac. Its like they're alr talking abt council while we're still doing briefing for like leadership and stuff and we've only had like 1h + of GP lecture. (not that i'm complaining at the pace, mind you!) We're going to choose our subject combos tmr! haha i've alr decided, and if i can make it, i'll take another H3 in J2. haha everyone was like, you get so low why dun take 4 H2s. hehe thats cos i have another motive!

I'm really confused abt whether i shld join choir...maybe i'll go ask Claudia abt what its like in there. My Gran is pretty opposed, but i still really love to sing =(( ohh today i heard someone go off tune singing the school song during assembly XD My other CCA choices are probably badminton, Acsian theatre or guitar. In the end, 3/4 is still performing arts! i'm super fail. lol who ask me to suck at sports so bad. Ah, and there's really swimming at AC O.o but got gym! maybe when i'm free i shall go try and run on the treadmill~

So far haven't really 'clicked' with anyone. I'm just jumping abt talking to random ppl i sit beside. But its okay, its only a few weeks in. I guess i can't expect to get lucky again like i did in sec 1 ;-) well, i entered Ac with hopes and i'll always try my best here. So dun disappoint me ACS!